Look, I’m not gonna lie. Some weekend just kinda suck. Not because anything bad actually happens, but because I don’t really *get* a weekend. I am a member of the National Guard, so once a month I put on my uniform and go work for Uncle Sam, or maybe Uncle Greg (since we are technically under the authority of the governor…) and so, I’ll have a two week sprint.
I KNOW, I know… it’s not as bad as when I’m deployed and there are innumerable folks who have it worse than I do, but they can go bitch on their blogs. This one is mine and so, I’m going to whine here.
On those weekends, I’m often just wiped out when I get home. It’s getting a bit better, as my depression lightens up a bit and I really freakin’ try to let go of some crap that’s been eating at my professional soul for years, but I’m still pretty tired. Staying engaged and giving a damn is surprisingly taxing, you know?
So, with that said, last night I came home, stripped off my uniform, put on my Tigger robe, ate dinner and announced my intent to go watch trashy TV and knit. I thought this was clearly spelled out and was looking forward to it, when my beloved husband comes bouncing up to the dining room table with a stack of books and, bright as new penny, asks if I want to roll up some D&D 5th Edition characters.*
What I really want to do is knit. I want to play with my string and needles and veg out to the sounds of Arrow.
But he looks so excited. And hopeful. And excited to be doing something with me that isn’t SWTOR, so I smile, push the idea of knitting into the “I’ll do that later” part of my brain and grab my dice bag.
It turned out to be so much fun! Not just because I got to get my nerd on, but because I got to get my nerd on with John. He’s always patient with me when we roll up characters because he loves the numbers game and I suffer through so as to be able to tell my part of our mutual story, but last night was new for both of us. We both got to read up on new backgrounds, new classes, new races, new lore to add to the rich world of Forgotten Realms and it was fabulous.
In the middle of the discussion, when we were talking about weapons or stats or any of a number of other geeky things, I realized that by setting aside what I wanted to do, I had not only made John happy, I had made myself happy, too. It’s not often that he asks to interrupt my knitting, and so, by realizing that, I gave us both a gift, I think.
I let him know that spending time with him was important, that I was willing to engage with something I wasn’t originally planning to do. He picked an activity we both enjoy, that wasn’t SWTOR. We both remembered how much we enjoy role-playing, and D&D. I was, as I think is important, willing to set myself aside to join John in a mutual activity.**
And, just in case you’re interested, I rolled up a copper dragonborn paladin. Who plays the harp.
*If you glazed over at the hot mess of nerding that followed, I won’t blame you. But you might pick through the paragraphs for the meat of why I agreed to do something nerdy when what I wanted to do was knit.
**I do not advocate subsuming yourself constantly in things your partner enjoys, but you do not, in order to “make them happy.” That’s not what I’m saying. Don’t get it twisted.